It's always out there

I haven't posted here in so very long.
You know, I've been happy.
I met a man, and I love him and he love me.
My kids are doing well.
It's like we are real and complete again.

I will write more............just very tired

Just thoughts

I gave you all I had and then some......I don't think you wanted it. Or perhaps you do but you were not in the right place. Love can only work when all the elements align, the attraction, the desire, the respect, the need to have love, and choosing to go for it, imperfections and all. Maybe if we came together at another time those things would have lined up, and you would have chosen me.......maybe not.

listen to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQtAOuBjysc

Says it fairly well. No perfect song. This one is damn close.

Los Lonely Boys- Staying with Me

House At Pooh Corner - Kenny Loggins Cover

YouTube - House At Pooh Corner - Kenny Loggins Cover

YouTube - House At Pooh Corner - Kenny Loggins Cover

love this song

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.-- Winnie the Pooh

Here I sit in another house all by myself. My husband has left me for another woman, another life, another dream I don't know. My life seems to be an uphill battle since he left our "Pooh Bear" house. My Pooh, Piglet, and Roo are no more. They teens spending the night with dad.
I am apart always from my ex husband and sometimes from kids. A part of me is always with all them. I love my girls so very much, I no longer miss their Dad, but I will always love him. He helped me make my children, he was a big part of our beautiful Pooh bear house. I'm glad the tree fell down, Pooh was right, that was ours, our place, our time to be young and simple

go play

Pooh Bear and his friends played a bog role in my family in the very early years. My Oldest daughter Jess Marie, made a game that lasted for days on end. She was Pooh because she "just was". Sari was so tiny and became Piglet. Her dad was (nomatter as she called him), he was grouchy, and I was Tiger Mom. Because I was either real happy or real sad. Baby Em came along and she called her Roo since she was tiny too.
We had a curved tree in the forest of trees behind our home. I loved those day, my days of Christopher Robin.
Well as life goes things changed. Eeyore left us and the house went on the market. My Pooh was frantic about her Honey tree, nobody else could have that. Shockingly about a month before moved away, lightening hit the tree and down our tree went. It remained ours in some way.........But when that tree fell I knew my life was changing, my old life had crumbled and wondered where it would all go.......... Those babies are teens. I have more to say, but not today.
Read this:

nothin

I often if any read this.
I know have not written. Bad times.
But I am going to post again,and thanks to whoever reads it

Spring

“Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.” Sarah Breathnach

I'm not going to say Winter was easy. I had two major set backs in my "career", the girls are turning into teens and are so independent. I was lonily with my Dog lily many winters nights. So now is the time to believe in me. Believe that all things are possible. A better work situation, developing more mature relationships with my girls, and believing I will find someone to love sometime. Time passes so very quickly. we have to look for what we want, do what we can to get it, and pray that God gives us what we need, evern if it is not what we think we want.
As I watch the trees bud, the flowers pop, the grass grow, I will remember I can do the same thing. I can stronger after the winter.

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

2010 is almost here. I know I have things to do........... Get my finances in order, eat better, deal with the Nicotine........., start my new job, love my kids, visit my family more, keep my energy up, a lot. A step at a time. Oh, love myself.......... 2010, time to really start over. I thought I had but truth be told I have not let go of the hurt of my divorce 5 years ago. It's time to let him be him, and start making my life about me and the people that matter to me.

2010
A time to build

Christmas Time

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I remember when I believed in Santa Clause. I loved Christmas so much all the that it brought, family, Christmas Specials on TV, and of course the toys under the tree. I even loved the Christ part, and remember Midnight mass with my sisters and brothers. In later years hanging out way to late at kitchen counter, sneaking treats we should not have.
I found out at a semi young age that Santa was just a story, Daddy was Santa Clause. I think that was the first of many heart breaks in my life.
But I still believed in Christmas, I believed in “Santa Clause” . I planned to grow up and be the perfect Mom like mine and give my kids all the magic I had. I loved watching my baby brothers and sisters enjoy their years of Santa.
I did grow up and marry. My husband so perfect. We were a picture perfect couple it seemed. We had three picture perfect daughters. Life was pretty good…………I thought,
I began to build my own Christmas, my eight foot real tree, decorated with hand made ornaments, white lights ( because the were more peaceful), my home baked cookie wreath, white reindeer lit up the lawn, hand made chocolates, sit down dinner of Filet Mingon and all the sides home made for 25.………..and on and on . I added more each year. I think I thought I was Martha herself. I think I was a bit insane.
I think Bob and I got carried away in the Santa Department, like so many young couples. So many toys. The Great Room overflowing with toys and treats. We played the Song “Santa Clause” by Alabama when we were done. Kissed and went to our separate rooms. Should I have know something was wrong…………….???????? I didn’t, I thought I snored……
The kids never got up to early. Bob went down and lit the fire, the tree, did last minute touches. The girls and I at top of the big stair case waiting for him to yell “ “Come on down Girls” (Something my Dad did, and Bob still does for our girls every year.) They ripped open those toys in minutes flat as I blasted Dominick the Donkey, Smiles and laughter. Bob always gave me something special and lot’s of other things. Such a happy scene.
We enjoyed our Champaign and Strawberries with Chicken livers, pastry and cereal for the kids.
It all appeared so perfect. Somewhere deep inside I think I knew, I wasn’t Martha Stewart and some bodies heart wasn’t in it all. He played his part well those later years of our marriage. Bob had left us before he was really gone.
Well one fall afternoon Bob told me he was not into me or our marriage. I had known we had problems but he said we didn’t and so I “believed” again. I think I was like a 9 year old child holding onto that last straw that this thing I so believed in really did exist.
I guess just about everything in my life changed. I went through divorce, I was heart sick for me and my kids. I sold my big fancy house, for an extremely modest one. I stayed in my town and keep my girls in their school district. I got a job, well in truth I have had about ten, but I think I am getting better at it, we scaled down on everything in our house. We named our little house “ A Place for Us”. I started dating, something that made me nervous when I was young, at 40 it really scary.
The following year Christmas changed.
No more house wife, working mom.
Gone were the homemade cookies, gone were all the candies but the Chocolate cherries., gone was eight foot tree. We had a ten year old fake tree from my Mom. There are advantages to fake trees. They are cost efficient, and no needles to clean for months. This year all the white lights died. The tree is covered in colored lights, and the base broke so it’s actually tied to ceiling. It looks like something out of Dr. Seuss. We have a few presents, but the family still comes. We have our family grab bag, a buffet lunch of cold foods, and continue to have Panetta for the kids.
The girls and I still play their Childhood game, “What does Jesus want for Christmas”……..of course the answer is you.
So…….feeling a bit inadequate watching the others women shopping at the upscale stores, purchasing expensive electronics, and buying all kinds of fancy food in the Super Market, I felt like I had failed.
Why had I turned into Rosanne Barr instead of perfect Martha………….
So I had to take sometime and think about Christmas, life……….
I don’t even know who Martha’s kids are, but I know and love all of Rosanne’s. I see beautiful things when Martha is on TV. I hear of stress about money, and some yelling at Rosanne’s. I always end up seeing love and laughter on their beat up old couch, or around the cheesy kitchen table.
A family is what you make it. Not having a husband, lots of money, and a Christmas tree tied to my ceiling don’t make you less.
Mothers struggle. We all do divorced or married. Our kids grow up before our eyes, they bring great worry and great joy. I wonder if the Blessed Mary felt that way watching Jesus walk his path. I know she was proud in the end. I know he loved her dearly.
I am rambling. This was supposed to be a piece being single at Christmas, jokes about dates, and needy kids. But that is not what I wrote.
I wrote a sort of Pot Pourie of different parts of life and Christmas, and coming of age.
So how do I want to end this…………How do I tie it together. ?
I guess when you get to the truth you realize all parents, single people, Dad’s that are really Moms too, we all struggle with our personal issues. We give our kids what we can. Christmas is a special time, and all works out by the 25th. Rarely is all perfect. But we give it our best shot. We love our kids and extended family. We celebrate the truth, Jesus’ Birthday. Somehow I feel Mary had bigger plans then a manger and straw for the birth of Her Special Son, but she did her very best, and that simple first Christmas, a little family in a meager manger brought a Miracle that continues 2000 plus years later.
Funny, I thought this would turn out so different, but these are the words that came. Merry Christmas everyone…………………JennyI remember when I believed in Santa Clause. I loved Christmas so much all the that it brought, family, Christmas Specials on TV, and of course the toys under the tree. I even loved the Christ part, and remember Midnight mass with my sisters and brothers. In later years hanging out way to late at kitchen counter, sneaking treats we should not have.
I found out at a semi young age that Santa was just a story, Daddy was Santa Clause. I think that was the first of many heart breaks in my life.
But I still believed in Christmas, I believed in “Santa Clause” . I planned to grow up and be the perfect Mom like mine and give my kids all the magic I had. I loved watching my baby brothers and sisters enjoy their years of Santa.
I did grow up and marry. My husband so perfect. We were a picture perfect couple it seemed. We had three picture perfect daughters. Life was pretty good…………I thought,
I began to build my own Christmas, my eight foot real tree, decorated with hand made ornaments, white lights ( because the were more peaceful), my home baked cookie wreath, white reindeer lit up the lawn, hand made chocolates, sit down dinner of Filet Mingon and all the sides home made for 25.………..and on and on . I added more each year. I think I thought I was Martha herself. I think I was a bit insane.
I think Bob and I got carried away in the Santa Department, like so many young couples. So many toys. The Great Room overflowing with toys and treats. We played the Song “Santa Clause” by Alabama when we were done. Kissed and went to our separate rooms. Should I have know something was wrong…………….???????? I didn’t, I thought I snored……
The kids never got up to early. Bob went down and lit the fire, the tree, did last minute touches. The girls and I at top of the big stair case waiting for him to yell “ “Come on down Girls” (Something my Dad did, and Bob still does for our girls every year.) They ripped open those toys in minutes flat as I blasted Dominick the Donkey, Smiles and laughter. Bob always gave me something special and lot’s of other things. Such a happy scene.
We enjoyed our Champaign and Strawberries with Chicken livers, pastry and cereal for the kids.
It all appeared so perfect. Somewhere deep inside I think I knew, I wasn’t Martha Stewart and some bodies heart wasn’t in it all. He played his part well those later years of our marriage. Bob had left us before he was really gone.
Well one fall afternoon Bob told me he was not into me or our marriage. I had known we had problems but he said we didn’t and so I “believed” again. I think I was like a 9 year old child holding onto that last straw that this thing I so believed in really did exist.
I guess just about everything in my life changed. I went through divorce, I was heart sick for me and my kids. I sold my big fancy house, for an extremely modest one. I stayed in my town and keep my girls in their school district. I got a job, well in truth I have had about ten, but I think I am getting better at it, we scaled down on everything in our house. We named our little house “ A Place for Us”. I started dating, something that made me nervous when I was young, at 40 it really scary.
The following year Christmas changed.
No more house wife, working mom.
Gone were the homemade cookies, gone were all the candies but the Chocolate cherries., gone was eight foot tree. We had a ten year old fake tree from my Mom. There are advantages to fake trees. They are cost efficient, and no needles to clean for months. This year all the white lights died. The tree is covered in colored lights, and the base broke so it’s actually tied to ceiling. It looks like something out of Dr. Seuss. We have a few presents, but the family still comes. We have our family grab bag, a buffet lunch of cold foods, and continue to have Panetta for the kids.
The girls and I still play their Childhood game, “What does Jesus want for Christmas”……..of course the answer is you.
So…….feeling a bit inadequate watching the others women shopping at the upscale stores, purchasing expensive electronics, and buying all kinds of fancy food in the Super Market, I felt like I had failed.
Why had I turned into Rosanne Barr instead of perfect Martha………….
So I had to take sometime and think about Christmas, life……….
I don’t even know who Martha’s kids are, but I know and love all of Rosanne’s. I see beautiful things when Martha is on TV. I hear of stress about money, and some yelling at Rosanne’s. I always end up seeing love and laughter on their beat up old couch, or around the cheesy kitchen table.
A family is what you make it. Not having a husband, lots of money, and a Christmas tree tied to my ceiling don’t make you less.
Mothers struggle. We all do divorced or married. Our kids grow up before our eyes, they bring great worry and great joy. I wonder if the Blessed Mary felt that way watching Jesus walk his path. I know she was proud in the end. I know he loved her dearly.
I am rambling. This was supposed to be a piece being single at Christmas, jokes about dates, and needy kids. But that is not what I wrote.
I wrote a sort of Pot Pourie of different parts of life and Christmas, and coming of age.
So how do I want to end this…………How do I tie it together. ?
I guess when you get to the truth you realize all parents, single people, Dad’s that are really Moms too, we all struggle with our personal issues. We give our kids what we can. Christmas is a special time, and all works out by the 25th. Rarely is all perfect. But we give it our best shot. We love our kids and extended family. We celebrate the truth, Jesus’ Birthday. Somehow I feel Mary had bigger plans then a manger and straw for the birth of Her Special Son, but she did her very best, and that simple first Christmas, a little family in a meager manger brought a Miracle that continues 2000 plus years later.
Funny, I thought this would turn out so different, but these are the words that came. Merry Christmas everyone…………………Jenny

I am going to try to start writing in here again.
I have tried the past few months but I haven't been inspired.

I think if I just write I will eventually be inspired and get the hang of it again.


For today Merry Christmas,

Such a long time

Such a long, long time since I posted. I liked doing this. I need get some books out, and pictures and will start again.
I like writing this blog becuase it helped my head clear, my thought form..........
jenny

Don't Worry Be Happy

Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.

I often find it hard to be cheerful when bogged down with errands, house work, my job search, dealing with my ex, missing my ex, missing what is forever gone, and searching for a new life.
I have to force a smile on my face. I have to remember to maintain a state of complete high happiness is near impossible.
I watch my kids play, I do something productive, rememeber good things, plan a good thing and contentment settles in.